Monday, September 24, 2007

The stigma of online dating

I went to bed after my last post with a huge sense of relief. I had a plan! I was going to try something new and maybe it would work maybe it would not. But at least I had a plan and all I could do was try it. However my sense of accomplishment was quickly rained upon by negative Nancy's that I call my friends and family. This left me asking why is there still such a stigma of online dating.

The biggest concern that has been brought up is why are you so desperate? Why do you have to meet someone right now. Well I answered to my "conservative friend" Laurel ( I call her conservative because she looks like a barbie doll but would never wear an tank top in public because it would be to "risque") "I am not desperate. I am quite the opposite. I just want to create more choices for myself that I would not have just by myself." Jared informed me that only "perverts " are on the Internet. I asked him how is it different than having a facebook account he said "exactly only perverts are on the internet".

The toughest criticism however came form my mother who some how found out form my dad who "accidentally" was in my e mail when he found one form She came over in a panic that I was on line "looking for random" men. Hysterically she asked me if I had thought of my son what kind of danger I was putting him in. A side note is that my mom does not even know how to us e mail so she has no idea about how you can stay unknown online and if you sign up for one of these sights you give them all your personal info and will have stalkers lining up.

Don't get me wrong I know that you do have to be careful. But don't you have to be careful in all dating relationships. And it is not as if I am going to meet some one and be like here is my son and my home address. Mothers!!! Oh wait I am one too now. Shit!

What I have found is that you can be as straight forward and picky as you want. Everything is just out there. This makes me feel a lot less desperate. I do not have to waste any time talking to duds that do not have a decent job or any interest in starting a family. The catch is that there are so many choices online that you can become desperate. I think that you have to do a few things. Come up with your own must haves or can't stands. And make them be at your highest standards. Now is the time to be really picky. If you are not that excited about e mailing that person back then you are not going to be that excited to go on a first date with them. Listen to your instinct's! If you are getting a creepy factor form someone then they are creepy and move on.

All in all I do not believe that online dating necessarily means that you are desperate. While it can if it is being used as a tool to get control of your life then how can it mean desperation. Maybe it is not the most romantic way to start a relationship but you have the whole rest of your relationship to make up for it so why worry about it now.


MomSmoo said...

I was just sitting here trying to think of people I know who met their significant other OFFline.... hm, me, my 1 best friend and.... um that is it. I met my hubby at a funeral (lets hope you don't have to go to one of them soon) and my best friend met her hubby at work and had to quit her job to date him.

So having said that, I know a million people who have met a spouse online. Not a stigma at all anymore! Good luck.

Danny Vice said...

Actually, there is a discreet, safety oriented and time friendly advantage to online dating that few people talk a whole lot about.

As a guy who met his wife on the net, and has been married for 7 happy years thus far, I can certainly point out a few advantages, which seems to really be in a lady's favor.

1. You can examine a potential date thoroughly before you GET to that first date. While the potential date could lie about him/her self, there's nothing to stop them from doing that in real life as well.

2. Conversation going bad? One click ends the conversation quickly.

3. You can talk about intimate topics (I do not mean cyber sex), which gives you a bigger scope of what the potential date's goals might be.

4. You can kindly dismiss non qualifying suitors by simply telling them you've found someone else. How would they possibly know if you haven't.

5. You have far more filtering control of who you accept/ask for a first date with.

6. Play 20 questions for a bit before you meet for the first time. You'll almost ALWAYS be glad you had the opportunity to explore his/her thoughts before being face to face.

7. And yes, I'll say it. A little sexy talk gives you an idea of compatibility before you get yourself into the 'heat of the moment'.

There are of course many other advantages, but rest assured....meeting someone online works for hundreds of thousands of others....and beats the cheap bar oriented pick up lines that really don't tell you much about a potential partner anyway.

Very nice read... =)

Happy Holidays!

Danny Vice

MommyFixIt said...

Desperate? OH so not true -- try BUSY. I've met some really great men this way, all from the comfort of my office! Online casts a much larger net for finding the right person -- its great for busy people.

MommyFixIt said...

Oh by the way -- I am Susan, at this site: -- for single women with limited time and wanting to have a great night out!

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Amy said...

I am a 20 (21 in LESS THAN A WEEK!!!) single mom who has, too, *thought* about trying the online thing. I think that I might like to give it shot, but I don't want to feel like a loser just for signing up. Your post kind of has me leaning towards just going for it....

Susan said...

For Amy -- You may want to consider this to meet people -- you can do a lot more screening and qualifying than being out for hours on end, and maybe find that great person you deserve. It's a good way for single Mom's who have the responsibility of a child -- you're not wasting your time doing it this way. When you get "online comfortable", plan to meet at a coffee shop for a "low-commitment look-see." Good luck to you and go have fun!